Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Ralph Nader and the Brighter Side of Politics

I love Ralph Nader. Really, I do. I love America too.

Only in America can Ralph Nader still get a gig with Russert. Uncanny, really.

The guy has not had an original idea since 1963 and yet he manages to get on MTP with Russert Sunday last and announce that he's going to, once again, wait for it ... wait ... "Run for President of the United States! (Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!) But wait, there's more!

Naderites around the world unite! The old guy actually says he's running on clean water, safe food, and to break the corporate stranglehold on Washington. So, what else is new?

I can't help but quote Ralphie's own website, "It's all about the mood, Dude!" Who the hell is going to vote for that? I mean, does anybody seriously think that the water is not potable? Aside from a couple of anomolies in the food distribution system (that we're recalled at tremendous expense to the companies involved) we have the best, most plentiful, and largest selection of foodstuffs on the planet! Not to mention the whole Free Range and Whole Foods industry ... Granola munchers and Health Food devotees have everything from Trader Joe's to organic garden/farm markets to choose from.

As for the corporate stranglehold on Washington, what do you freakin' want? Code Pinkies running amok on K street? The friggin' "big business" crowd is fighting for self preservation. And let me just ask you, "When was the last time you got a job from a tree-hugging leftie protester, huh? Even Nader makes his scratch from extorting donations from the disillussioned and getting people to buy his books (which is the closest thing to legit entrepreneurism that he's ever done. Except for the early years as a practicing attorney back in Hartford).

But still, you just have to love this guy and admire his willingness to tic-off the Dems and be the butt of every cocktail party joke on the planet. The Dems still blame him for Gore's defeat in 2000 - notwithstanding the absolute loathing of the Left for Bush - even as they complain that Bush "stole the election".

So we are left with one candidate who is "ready to lead on day one" yet, knowing what we know, we are left wondering where; another candidate who is all about "change", which could mean anything from clean underwear to nuclear policy; and Ralph. Things are looking pretty good for McCain, huh?

Why we insist on picking the leader of the free world this way is the stuff of doctoral theses. That and the fact that it keeps a whole bunch of my fellow hacks and flacks employed ... which, come to think of it, isn't really such a bad thing. Back on the bus, y'all. It's Tuesday, must be Ohio.

So, join me in the quadrennial pursuit of sitting back, cranking up the blender, and watching these folks in the ceremonial cannibalism that is the POTUS election cycle. We may only have another week to enjoy it. Things are so dull with the GOPers that I almost forgot "My-Man-Mike" was still in the race. The Huckster has been thrown onto the ash heap of SNL, and a sad fate that was. I'm reminded of HST's lament: "How low do you have to stoop in this country to become president?"
Apparently, you have to stoop low enough to do NBC late night comedy shows and soil yourself in front of that small portion of Amrica that actually tunes in ... and the continuing debasement of the news cycle for the next 36 hours.

The Dems will likely have their contender by early morning hours of March 5. So it's up to you, Ralphie. We don't care about all those quirky little NFPs and all those mindnumbingly boring tomes of potifications. We just want you to get in there and make things interesting so we all have something to write about. You're a freak of nature, Ralphie, but we luv ya! Hang in there, baby.

No comments: