Saturday, February 28, 2009

This Just In: Ruskie Mechanic downs bottle of Viagra in all day Sex Orgy

Dies of Heart Attack moments after marathon 3-some concludes.

In another story from the "Well, it's just too weird, even for us" file, we get news from Russia that a 28 year old mechanic decides to take a bet from two babes that he can take them on in a marathon, all-day threesome.

This on the heals of some rapper on Twitter giving the "blow-by-blow" account of his 36 hour "tantric" sex orgy. Texting your tete-a-tete ... that's some extreme cheerleading.

Hey, if it's on Fox News, it's gotta be true. Right?

Here at the WPBHQ we no longer ask the question "What is the world coming to?" It's become evident.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Government Promoting Bad Behavior? Never!

The traders in Chicago are ready to revolt! I get the feeling they’re not alone.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Ed Coleman Switches Parties. In Other News, Dogs Chase Cats and the Sun Rose in the East

In what has very quickly become a non-event, news came out today that City-County Councilman Ed Coleman has left the Republican party to become a member of the Libertarian Party.


Please allow me to say this up front: I really like Ed. Beyond the fact that his wife was a good friend of mine in high school, during the time I've known Ed he's become someone I've admired. He got into this (politics) for the right reasons and Indianapolis can be proud of his service.

Up until today, that is. With his action he has effectively deprived Indianapolis of his leadership and has paved the way for his early retirement from politics. This has nothing to do with the Republican Party (or the City of Indianapolis) and everything to do with Ed and salving his wounds from some perceived mistreatment, either real or imagined.

Think about it: Ed has now been stripped of his committee seats. He has removed himself as a voice for any input on city affairs. If this was about policy or ideology, what stops him from voting a certain way while maintaining his party affiliation? Was he that naive that he didn't know that sometimes in politics you don't always get your way?

Consider this: Ed is an at-large member of the council. In other words, he was elected with a slate of Republicans to the seat; no one was voting for Ed in particular, they were voting for Republicans in general. With this move Ed has selfishly (and naively) removed those voters from having a voice. Because of some perceived slights from other Republican members, he has rejected the support that voters gave him in 2007.

The bottom line for this non-story is that the least influential member of the City-County Council has now made himself completely irrelevant. He has also ended his career, as he has no shot of being re-elected in any capacity whatsoever. I mean, this is a "party" (the LP) that claims as successes elections to soil and water conservation boards. They have no infrastructure, no fundraising ability and no organization, and this is nearly 40 years after they were founded. You'd think they would've figured something out about elections by now, wouldn't you?

Ed Coleman, we hardly knew you. You have my best wishes for your private life, as your public life has needlessly ended.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Marion County City-County Councilman Ed Coleman Switching Parties From GOP to Libertarian

(*Update #1* According to a source at tonight’s Decatur Township GOP meeting, Republican Council President Bob Cockrum announced that Ed Coleman has left the GOP, his committee assignments have been stripped and that this is the first time a Third Party has had a seat at the Council.)

After rumors swirled on Hoosiers for Fair Taxation (though the post was pulled) and Advance Indiana, sources confirm to me that Marion County City-County Councilman Ed Coleman is switching parties from Republican to Libertarian.

Coleman, who was first elected as an At-Large candidate in the Republican take over of the Council and Mayor’s office in 2007, has come under fire from the fellow Republican Councilmen and the County party for bucking party line on votes as well as voting against the Mayor on issues he deemed too intrusive for government…even local government. Coleman, who apparently has been mulling a switch for quite some time, was originally targeted by Democrats as a potential new party member, but conservative political convictions kept him from such a switch.

Sources also indicate that after some party bucking votes, Coleman would receive nasty text messages from people such as former State Rep. Jon Elrod, fellow Councilman Ryan Vaughn and Marion County GOP Chairman Tom John.

(*Update #2* I have been informed via a confidant of Ed Coleman’s that Jon Elrod did not send him any nasty text messages.)

(*Update #3* Councilor Ryan Vaughn called me and categorically denied sending any nasty text messages to Ed Coleman regarding any votes that may have bucked the party)

Now I’m sure the howling from GOP faithful will begin fairly soon. But keep one thing in mind here. The Republicans will still control the Council. Coleman will still likely vote more with them than with Democrats. But he will surely be castigated for his move. The question is, should he be?

Coleman’s move is not uncharacteristic while serving as an elected official. It’s not even uncharateristic for this decade. Some will probably make the notion that he should step down. Did Jim Jeffords? (I will admit, at the time, I was one of those who said he should) Did New York city Mayor, Michael Bloomberg after he switched mid-term from being a Republican to an Independent? One of the more well known party switcheroos came from Texas Senator Phil Graham in the 1980’s. He switched from Democrat to Republican, stepped down and ran for his seat again. He was so popular in Texas he won re-election.

Ed Coleman, the Libertarian Party of Indiana and the Marion County Libertarians will be holding a press conference tomorrow at the Columbia Club at 10:30am to discuss in more detail as to why he is making his switch. Your faithful Hoosier Access correspondent will be there to cover all of the action.

(Originally posted to Hoosier Access)

Flashback Monday: Remember When Transparency Was Chic on the Obama Campaign Trail?

So do I.

But apparently, that didn’t apply with the Stimulus Bill, which the President is about to sign, and didn’t apply to Congressional Democrats, who not only shut out Republicans in the Stimulus Conference Negotiations, but they, along with the other members of Congress didn’t even get a chance to read the bill before voting on it. This after Democrats promised a 48 hour window and Obama promised a five day window to allow Americans to read what was in the bill.

That’s the Hope and Change we all expected once Barack Obama was sworn in, right?

Friday, February 13, 2009

So Much for Democrat Promises

Remember the promise Democrats made to the American public to read the Stimulus Bill before voting on it? Yeah, didn’t happen. Well before voting on the bill, Republican Minority Leader John Boehner (who is pretty ticked in the video) got up on the floor of Congress to chastise the vote because not one member of the House had read the new version before voting. Apparently, they had only about twelve or so hours to read the entire 1,071 page, 8-inch-thick bill before the vote took place. New Jersey Democratic Senator Frank Lautenberg believes that no colleague of his will have a chance to read it either before voting.

Democracy at work.

To no one’s surprise, the bill passed 246-183. Also, to know ones surprise, no Republicans and seven Democrats voted against it. None of the Hoosier Democrat Congressmen voted against the bill. Previously, Brad Ellsworth had.

Senator Andre Carson???

There's a buzz around D.C. today that President Obama is seriously considering Senator Evan "Willow Tree" Bayh as a replacement for Senator Judd Gregg (who was a replacement for Gov. Bill Richardson, who was a replacement for Karl Marx, who sadly is deceased) as a nominee for Secretary of Commerce.

I think this is absolutely brilliant, and not just because "Willow Tree" supported Hillary during the primary, thus giving credence to this alleged "Team of Rivals" our Community Organizer-in-Chief is building (and not just because Bayh might have actually paid his taxes).

It's brilliant for several reasons, but try and follow my logic (for graduates of Perry Meridian High School, I'll go slowly):

1) This might come as a shock to many, but Bayh is in serious danger of losing his seat, which is up in 2010. This would spare him the embarrassment of being the second "Birch Evan Bayh" to lose to an unknown Republican.

2) As you might have learned from the recent Illinois debacle, our governor would then be able to select Bayh's replacement, who would then face re-election in 2010.

3) My Man Mitch should select Congressman Andre Carson to fill the seat. I'm not kidding. Think of how bi-partisan and forward thinking Mitch would be to name Indiana's first black Senator. What a legacy.

4) Carson would then be forced to run for re-election to his new Senate seat in 2010 (as mentioned), which is a problem for him for a host of reasons:

  • He has absolutely no chance of ever winning a statewide election in Indiana. Frankly, Gabrielle Campo could beat him for that 2010 Senate race. This has little to do with his race, but more because of his power base (outside of Lake County, the Carson Machine wouldn't be able to pull off their normal shenanigans). It has everything to do with his Marxist views and the fact that the media isn't as likely to give him a free ride during a Senate race the way they have during his Congressional campaigns.
  • There would then be (another) special election to fill Andre's now-open 7th District seat. Without the Carson Machine delivering ballots to the counting place four hours after polls close, or opening ballot boxes right at the precinct, or the other usual tactics they have patented, the Marion County Republican Party would have the chance to put a real challenger in that race, instead of un-employed recent college grads.
  • After Andre loses his Senate re-election bid, he'd be forced to raise even more money during a presidential cycle to run against the incumbent Republican who now holds that seat. Considering 2012 will be a much better year for the GOP (hopefully they actually run a Republican at the top of the ticket this time), it will be quite a challenge for Andre to get his seat back.
Your thoughts?

Cross-posted at

Thursday, February 12, 2009

That's Why They Call Him Donnie Baseball

He may be the Dodgers batting coach, but he'll always be a Yankee to me. For some reason, I now have Billy Joel going through my head...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: (INDIANA) State Department of Education rewrites Flex-time Policy

Foughty Rewrites the Rules!

Fellow Hacks, Flacks, and Dumpster Divers:

This is what we live for! I just heard from Superintendent of Public Instruction that the work habits of one of our fellow Dumpster Divers has led to a change in the flex time rules at the Department of Education.

But that's really not what we want to talk about.

Seriously. We spent a solid 30 minutes on a conference call with Dr. Tony Bennett on a wide range of issues. Avid readers will note that education has never been one of our "big topic items" here at the WPBHQ. (Devoted readers will know we're more into blender drinks.) Yet, we were impressed with this guy. Dr. Bennett talked about real issues that effect the education of the little curtain climbers that we're all depending on to provide the tax revenue we'll need in our old age.

What are we getting for our tax dollars? How do we invest in our good teachers and help those less than adequate find another profession? This guy actually thinks about this stuff.

Parents - get in the game. Indiana finally has a SPI who actually cares about the "chil'in's" and not the next election. He deserves our support. Skeptical, "hold his feet to the fire" support. He earned the chance to show Hoosier families what is possible.

If you want the real analysis, go where you always go ... Hoosier Access. Otherwise, take our word for it - Give this guy a chance.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Rehab Sux. Part Deux: Adventures in Chemistry

He's baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Fresh off the court-ordered, all-expense-paid, vacation at the trendy - albeit compulsory - Meditations Rehabilitation and Addiction Treatment Center in beautiful downtown Orange, New Jersey, your erstwhile and revitalized - dare I say it, intrepid - Dumpster Diving sage is back.

It seems that there has been an election and several other interesting developments since my incarceration, er, departure. Thanks to all the other hacks, flacks, and reasonably intelligent contributors that posted to the site in my absence.

You will all be happy to know that we got the Osterizer lubed, blades replaced, and washed the thing out (finally) sooooooooo, let's fire it up and get back to business.

First things first. Lobotomy has been outlawed in 42 states. Therefore, it is safe to assume that I am still able to operate the Osterizer.

Two ... I haven't had sex in a looooooooong time. Misogyny is a distinct possibility in several future posts. Get over it.

Three ... I forgot where I put the key to the liquor cabinet and it's not funny.

Four ... well, piss on number four. It wasn't important.

Just as soon as I'm done going through the mail that's piled up here at the WPBHQ, I'll call all the crew and we'll start deciding who's going to cover what. We might even try to recruit some talent to post insightful and hard-hitting investigative journal ... what? Must be the drugs. We never do anything insightful or hard-hitting.

It's good to be out, I mean, back. Thanks for all the cards and especially to the guy that sent the "care package" (you know who you are!)

Watch Space: Truly the Final Frontier?

Well, those towel-headed neanderthals have actually done it. Iran sent a rocket into space.

We now know they have the ability to shoot an intercontinental ballistic missile. (C'mon, if they can shoot a multi-stage rocket into space, they put a nuke on one and point it toward Tel Aviv - or, I dunno, Washington ... London ... Paris ... Berlin. Remember, they only have to get close. Close counts with hand grenades and Thermo-Nuclear Warheads.)

These guys think that by fomenting genocide, they can hasten the arrival of the 12th Imam, their "Messiah", and get the world "right" ... depending on your definition of what's right, I guess. You think Obama's "stimulus plan" is scary? Try these wing-nuts with the bomb. Geithner's got nothing on these "twelvers"

Hey, I'm not suggesting Armageddon, and I'm not ready to hang out on the Circle, out in front of WIBC, wearing one of those sandwich boards. You know, the one with "The End is Near" hastily scrawled on cardboard. Still, I think somebody needs to point out that these guys actually launched a friggin' rocket and it didn't crash - or blow up on the launch pad.

I'm just sayin' ... we may have bigger problems.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Stimulus, We Don't Need Your Stinkin' Stimulus

And then there were three ... Two Senators from Maine, and some knucklehead from Pennsylvania (who's probably an Eagles fan). Doesn't the GOP has a litmus test or something? Where do they find these people? I hereby renounce my affiliation with the Republican Party (or, what's left of the thing that used to be called the Republican Party.) I am now a Depublicradendent.

Just a parting thought as I leave the GOP. Does anyone else wonder what's going to happen when the Chinese and Japanese, Saudi and EU guys quit buying our debt - or jack the interest rates to 12%?

So I am on to my new career as a Depublicradendent. First things first.

Great Stimulus Idea number 26: (You see, I have been thinking about this for a while) Send every balding, middle-aged, white guy in America three free drink tickets and admission to the Girls, Girls, Girls Show Club on 38th Street or, better yet, Amateur Oil Wrestling Night at the Snafu Lounge ... Now That's Stimulus, my friends. (@mjezierski would probably give up Saturday night at the laund-ri-matic for that one, Mr. Obama.)

81% of the American people are just 81% of the American people. Piss on 'em.

Great Stimulus idea number 27: See Great Stimulus Idea number 26, only for next week too.

See, it's true. I know as much as any Senator about stimulus. So, I am hereby announcing my candidacy for the Senate. A free pass to PT's for all! (Hey, it's better than a Chicken potpie or a good 5-cent cigar - and those guys were Presidents!)

You see my peeps, I am just looking out for your stimulation. Nothing else matters to me.

I'm for manual stimulation, simulated stimulation, and stimulation of the nation. I want to palpitate to stimulate, urinate to stimulate, and populate the show clubs of America with stimulating undulating. I want to be the Senator who's doing the administration of stimulation across the nation! So vote for me - it'll be stimulating! Liberating! and, you will not be fornicating! (Well, you might be, but I'm for "don't ask-don't tell stimulation") There is no down side, for cryin' out loud. I'll solve the whole gasoline problem by giving everybody a three day work week so you can get all the stimulus you need from other non-fossil fuel energy consuming activities. We'll have more time to grow things in our backyard gardens.

Since people will have less money, they will buy fewer things - less stuff = lower demand, but with fewer folks actually working, it wont make any difference. Yet, we'll all be so stimulated!

I am a friggin' genius.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. America and ... thank you, Mr. Knucklehead guy from Pennsylvania.

PS: Any chance we can get your two gal-pals from Maine to Amateur Night this weekend? Doesn't look like you'll be doing anything constructive over the weekend.