Thursday, April 17, 2008

Mystery Explosion Around Kokomo Explained

Just got word from Mr. J and Mr. K about those mysterious explosions last night around Kokomo. Seems a family of Blurgs were on their way to their centennial family vacation on Mars when they developed spacecraft trouble just past the Venus offramp to the solar bypass.

As most Earthlings are pretty content and don't believe in beings existing outside their little realm, they knew they had to be discrete. In an effort to contact the US ICE to get clearance for a landing somewhere secure so someone could look at their XQB-38a (they don't make them like those old 35's now do they?) they pushed the wrong button on their communication console and intercepted the ABC News Democrat debate between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Unfortunately the Blurgs have very sensitive hearing and upon hearing Hillary Clinton they experienced excruciating pain. In the meantime they found out ICE was closed so they attempted to land at the nearest secure military facility they could find. However their charts were woefully out of date and did not indicate that Grissom Air Force Base was closed a few years ago (What? No Galactic Positioning System?). So the Blurgs attempted to land at Grissom.

However during the landing attempt someone pressed the button and turned the Democrat debate back on their Spectroscope. The apparent patriarch of the Blurgs lost control of the spacecraft and landed it in a not-yet-planted cornfield near Kokomo. When questioned by MiB the apparent matriarch explained she was so panicked over the choices the Earthlings had for their leaders she grabbed the pilot's 5th eye to show him. "What is this? Earthlings have a choice between a screaming female species and someone who looks like he's never taken ...." The patriarch explained he read about the species and corrected her, that some Earthlings are darker paint (sorry the Blurg language has no word for "skin") than others. He read the darker one was "Clean and Articulate" on a news report while traveling for business near Alpha Centauri.

What she didn't realize though, he was using that 5th eye to watch the gyronator. Unfortunate series of errors later they were on the ground with a resounding THUD! The fire and rescue squads showed up, GSTC (Galatic Spacecraft Travel Club - the UFO version of AAA) was called and towed the spacecraft to an underground bunker for repairs. MiB arrived and talked to everyone involved, and ..... hey what's that thing. Looks like a camer......*FLASH*

What the heck happened? Ah well must be 3 for 1 night at the local Mexican restaurant.

UPDATE: Received a communique' from my source at MiB - The Indiana National Guard is issuing their cover story that 3 F-16's were "in the area" performing a "training mission". Uhhh-huhhhhh. Of course everyone knows it takes 3 F-16's to tow a XQB-38a spacecraft after it's crash landed. DUH! They hooked up their tow cables to the spacecraft and towed it to Grissom for repairs. Expect some more strange noises in the coming days when the Blurgs get their spacecraft repaired and get underway to Mars for their vacation.... *FLASH*


"Gonz" said...

Now that's what I call journalism ... in the finest tradition of the great reporters of the Golden Age, the dogged tenacity of the UFO hunters, and the frozen blender cocktail creativity of the WPBCHQ team.

I vote the Digital Sod Buster gets this week's golden nuggie award!
Moonbat Hunters Unite!

Anonymous said...

Too many recreational drugs as a youth, I see.

Sir Hailstone said...

"Too many recreational drugs as a youth, I see."

Actually no. Just Lake County air.

The media is reporting on an earthquake this morning. Was it really an earthquake .... or a spacecraft landing down at Crane Naval Weapons depot?