Saturday, February 7, 2009

Stimulus, We Don't Need Your Stinkin' Stimulus

And then there were three ... Two Senators from Maine, and some knucklehead from Pennsylvania (who's probably an Eagles fan). Doesn't the GOP has a litmus test or something? Where do they find these people? I hereby renounce my affiliation with the Republican Party (or, what's left of the thing that used to be called the Republican Party.) I am now a Depublicradendent.

Just a parting thought as I leave the GOP. Does anyone else wonder what's going to happen when the Chinese and Japanese, Saudi and EU guys quit buying our debt - or jack the interest rates to 12%?

So I am on to my new career as a Depublicradendent. First things first.

Great Stimulus Idea number 26: (You see, I have been thinking about this for a while) Send every balding, middle-aged, white guy in America three free drink tickets and admission to the Girls, Girls, Girls Show Club on 38th Street or, better yet, Amateur Oil Wrestling Night at the Snafu Lounge ... Now That's Stimulus, my friends. (@mjezierski would probably give up Saturday night at the laund-ri-matic for that one, Mr. Obama.)

81% of the American people are just 81% of the American people. Piss on 'em.

Great Stimulus idea number 27: See Great Stimulus Idea number 26, only for next week too.

See, it's true. I know as much as any Senator about stimulus. So, I am hereby announcing my candidacy for the Senate. A free pass to PT's for all! (Hey, it's better than a Chicken potpie or a good 5-cent cigar - and those guys were Presidents!)

You see my peeps, I am just looking out for your stimulation. Nothing else matters to me.

I'm for manual stimulation, simulated stimulation, and stimulation of the nation. I want to palpitate to stimulate, urinate to stimulate, and populate the show clubs of America with stimulating undulating. I want to be the Senator who's doing the administration of stimulation across the nation! So vote for me - it'll be stimulating! Liberating! and, you will not be fornicating! (Well, you might be, but I'm for "don't ask-don't tell stimulation") There is no down side, for cryin' out loud. I'll solve the whole gasoline problem by giving everybody a three day work week so you can get all the stimulus you need from other non-fossil fuel energy consuming activities. We'll have more time to grow things in our backyard gardens.

Since people will have less money, they will buy fewer things - less stuff = lower demand, but with fewer folks actually working, it wont make any difference. Yet, we'll all be so stimulated!

I am a friggin' genius.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. America and ... thank you, Mr. Knucklehead guy from Pennsylvania.

PS: Any chance we can get your two gal-pals from Maine to Amateur Night this weekend? Doesn't look like you'll be doing anything constructive over the weekend.

No comments: