Fresh off the court-ordered, all-expense-paid, vacation at the trendy - albeit compulsory - Meditations Rehabilitation and Addiction Treatment Center in beautiful downtown Orange, New Jersey, your erstwhile and revitalized - dare I say it, intrepid - Dumpster Diving sage is back.
It seems that there has been an election and several other interesting developments since my incarceration, er, departure. Thanks to all the other hacks, flacks, and reasonably intelligent contributors that posted to the site in my absence.
You will all be happy to know that we got the Osterizer lubed, blades replaced, and washed the thing out (finally) sooooooooo, let's fire it up and get back to business.
First things first. Lobotomy has been outlawed in 42 states. Therefore, it is safe to assume that I am still able to operate the Osterizer.
Two ... I haven't had sex in a looooooooong time. Misogyny is a distinct possibility in several future posts. Get over it.
Three ... I forgot where I put the key to the liquor cabinet and it's not funny.
Four ... well, piss on number four. It wasn't important.
Just as soon as I'm done going through the mail that's piled up here at the WPBHQ, I'll call all the crew and we'll start deciding who's going to cover what. We might even try to recruit some talent to post insightful and hard-hitting investigative journal ... what? Must be the drugs. We never do anything insightful or hard-hitting.
It's good to be out, I mean, back. Thanks for all the cards and especially to the guy that sent the "care package" (you know who you are!)