Gonz O. Defenestrater: My Economic Stimulus and Market Bailout Plan. "Let's win one for the little guy."

OK. Here it is. I am tired of bending over and taking the long, lean, "Sheldon" without the courtesy of either a reach-around or some lubricant.

Here's the Gonzonater's Economic Stimulus and Market Bailout plan:

Every single taxpayer who filed a tax-year 2007 return should get a debit card with a $500,000 USD balance. If you use all or some of the cash to pay off your mortgage or buy a home, TAX FREE. If you all or part of the money to pay off college loans or pay tuition, TAX FREE. If you use all or part of the money to pay off short term, unsecured debt (e.g. your credit cards), TAX FREE.

If you use all or part of the money to open a (for lack of a better term) "401(x)" account, in which you agree to invest that money until a certain age, e.g. 70 or 71, you get to put the money in tax free and take it out at guaranteed rate of 5 or 10% - but - for every dollar you get from your 401(x) you get one less dollar from your social security benefit.

If you use all or part of the money to invest in a Health Savings Account (HSA) you get the money TAX FREE, but you get the same dollar for dollar reduction in Medicare benefits.

Let's do some math. $250 million v. $700 billion. Oh, but wait, the government doesn't think that you and I could spend that money in a wiser and more prudent fashion than "they" can.

But wait! If you let people pay off the mortgage, the mortgage crisis would go away, right? and if they paid off the short term debt - poof! No credit crisis. If they paid off their college loans, poof! MORE MONEY TO LOAN OUT TO NEW STUDENTS TO GET AN EDUCATION!

Oh, and by the way, if you have paid off your mortgage, college loans or tuition, and credit card debt, you'd have all that extra money every month that you are now spending on debt service to actually spend in the economy, to maybe - I dunno - buy a new car, or a refrigerator, or take your family out to St. Elmo's for a really great shrimp cocktail! Can you say "Flat Screen HD?" Oh, I hear HH Gregg getting a woody!

How about bailing us hard-working stiffs out for a change? And the whole scheme is progressive! You give the same amount to everybody and the folks who really need it get the most benefit. For the really rich, $500K is beer money. For a guy like me, $500K is a game-changer.

The beauty of the debit card is that you can restrict what the money can be used for. It can be made to only work for certain transactions. Thereby preventing dumb-ass rednecks and the mentally challenged from spending the whole wad in a bait shop or roadhouse.

WTF? $700 billion? Why not let the little guy hit the lottery rather than Paulson's pals on Wall Street. Hell, they get the $500K just like the rest of us... let them use it to pay off their margin calls.

It'll never happen, but it would be nice to get some juice from the Treasury like the Wall Streeter's do. I'd just love it if the government would show me some love like the guys at AIG got.

Barstool Economics: Tax Policy for the Blue Collar Crowd

Just got this email and I loved it. This is really great! How taxes work in a simple way to understand. Brilliant!

Our Tax System Explained: Bar Stool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten

comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would

go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1.

The sixth would pay $3.

The seventh would pay $7.

The eighth would pay $12.

The ninth would pay $18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the

arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are

all such good customers,' he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your

daily beer by $20.' Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the

first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.

But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they

divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that

from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would

be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he

proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).

The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).

The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).

The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).

The nint h now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).

The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to

drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare

their savings.

'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to

the tenth man,' but he got $10!'

'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too.

It's unfair that he got ten times more than I got.’

'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when

got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'

'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get

anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how

our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most

benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being

wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start

drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

H/T: David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. , Professor of Economics, University of Georgia

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.