Rehab Sux. Part Deux: Adventures in Chemistry

He's baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Fresh off the court-ordered, all-expense-paid, vacation at the trendy - albeit compulsory - Meditations Rehabilitation and Addiction Treatment Center in beautiful downtown Orange, New Jersey, your erstwhile and revitalized - dare I say it, intrepid - Dumpster Diving sage is back.

It seems that there has been an election and several other interesting developments since my incarceration, er, departure. Thanks to all the other hacks, flacks, and reasonably intelligent contributors that posted to the site in my absence.

You will all be happy to know that we got the Osterizer lubed, blades replaced, and washed the thing out (finally) sooooooooo, let's fire it up and get back to business.

First things first. Lobotomy has been outlawed in 42 states. Therefore, it is safe to assume that I am still able to operate the Osterizer.

Two ... I haven't had sex in a looooooooong time. Misogyny is a distinct possibility in several future posts. Get over it.

Three ... I forgot where I put the key to the liquor cabinet and it's not funny.

Four ... well, piss on number four. It wasn't important.

Just as soon as I'm done going through the mail that's piled up here at the WPBHQ, I'll call all the crew and we'll start deciding who's going to cover what. We might even try to recruit some talent to post insightful and hard-hitting investigative journal ... what? Must be the drugs. We never do anything insightful or hard-hitting.

It's good to be out, I mean, back. Thanks for all the cards and especially to the guy that sent the "care package" (you know who you are!)

No, it's not the Hunter S. Thompson quote.

Live from the bar at an undisclosed location... Your humble
correspondent explains the whole argument so we only have to do it
once.

Yes, the blog title looks like the HST quote but we changed a word so
that we would not be shamelessly ripping off the Father of Gonzo
Journalism. (And, we were not sure about the whole fair use doctrine
thing and we don't have enough money to hire a lawyer.)

Yes, I did rip off my screenname. But, that was in college before I
got a job and actually had to pay taxes. Ask rudgeinindy about the
dumb stuff we did in college (back before you actually got in trouble
with law enforcement). I am not alone.

So, the crux of the biskit is: (a) get over it, (b) shut up, and (c)
drink your beer.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile. mobile.google.com

Insiders spotted in downtown nightspot

Weird pros has it on good authority that someone spotted YR guru Todd Tolson doing what can only be described as burritos and adult beverages with some "operatives" at the Elbow Room in Indianapolis. Stay tuned for more details as they become available. But this must be good news for the YR convention! Will wallets start opening to support the next generation?