Rehab Sux. Part Deux: Adventures in Chemistry

He's baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Fresh off the court-ordered, all-expense-paid, vacation at the trendy - albeit compulsory - Meditations Rehabilitation and Addiction Treatment Center in beautiful downtown Orange, New Jersey, your erstwhile and revitalized - dare I say it, intrepid - Dumpster Diving sage is back.

It seems that there has been an election and several other interesting developments since my incarceration, er, departure. Thanks to all the other hacks, flacks, and reasonably intelligent contributors that posted to the site in my absence.

You will all be happy to know that we got the Osterizer lubed, blades replaced, and washed the thing out (finally) sooooooooo, let's fire it up and get back to business.

First things first. Lobotomy has been outlawed in 42 states. Therefore, it is safe to assume that I am still able to operate the Osterizer.

Two ... I haven't had sex in a looooooooong time. Misogyny is a distinct possibility in several future posts. Get over it.

Three ... I forgot where I put the key to the liquor cabinet and it's not funny.

Four ... well, piss on number four. It wasn't important.

Just as soon as I'm done going through the mail that's piled up here at the WPBHQ, I'll call all the crew and we'll start deciding who's going to cover what. We might even try to recruit some talent to post insightful and hard-hitting investigative journal ... what? Must be the drugs. We never do anything insightful or hard-hitting.

It's good to be out, I mean, back. Thanks for all the cards and especially to the guy that sent the "care package" (you know who you are!)

OK, This Whole Web 2.0 Thing is Getting a Little Freaky

California woman Tweets through birth of Child

OK fellow Dumpster Divers, not sure how to file this (could be a borderline between "Just too Weird" and "Too Many Recreational Drugs as a Youth" file) but it's worth a crosspost.

Thanks to our pal David Almacy (@Almacy and Capitol Gig) this interesting bit of news from the Left Coast.

Seems that one intrepid iPhone enthusiast just couldn't stop tweeting even while giving birth. Now, let me just say that I am thrilled for the happy couple, but just a bit creeped out by the notion of getting minute by minute "whatevers" from the delivery room.

It's like doing a home video of the thing. Cool for the happy couple, I guess, but not my idea of a home movies with the fam over a holiday, right? 'natch.

Dudes and Dudettes, The Stilletto-wearin' Chica and I both need a drink. Fire up the Blender, baby.

Dude. A Bowl-off? C'mon.

Seriously, I think my namesake was right. "How low do you have to stoop in this country to become President?" (see "Our Quotable Quote on the right side of this space)

I got this tweet on my Twitter today:

"hillaryclinton It has been a hard fought race but I have a proposal for the Democratic Party – I challenge Senator Obama to a bowl-off, winner takes all. about 1 hour ago from web "

It was actually a freak of nature thing until I just saw Fox News do a bit on it. I appreciate humor more than any other person on this planet. Especially, political humor. I live for Leno and Letterman ... even Colbert (his tweets are a hoot, btw.), but this is too much. Forget the 24-hour news cycle, this is the leader of the free world man! Except for my good friends in Wisconsin that actually live at the bowling alley, will anybody get the joke?

I have never been a huge McCain fan ... really. But, after this, I'm thinkin' that McCain looks positively Presidential. He's got my vote.

Obama tells us that we have to do everything that "Grandma tells us to do" - after he throws Grandma under the bus as a racist throwback to the 50's - and the Hil wants a bowl off? Are we serious here?

Gamers for net neutrality? Tranny's for Jesus? What the heck comes next? Bowlers for Pick-up Spare at the DNC?

Fellow DDs, I propose we all go over to the WPBCHQ, fire up the blender, and have a few blue fruity drinks... we'll even throw in the little paper umbrellas.

Is it Friday yet?