Stimulus, We Don't Need Your Stinkin' Stimulus

And then there were three ... Two Senators from Maine, and some knucklehead from Pennsylvania (who's probably an Eagles fan). Doesn't the GOP has a litmus test or something? Where do they find these people? I hereby renounce my affiliation with the Republican Party (or, what's left of the thing that used to be called the Republican Party.) I am now a Depublicradendent.

Just a parting thought as I leave the GOP. Does anyone else wonder what's going to happen when the Chinese and Japanese, Saudi and EU guys quit buying our debt - or jack the interest rates to 12%?

So I am on to my new career as a Depublicradendent. First things first.

Great Stimulus Idea number 26: (You see, I have been thinking about this for a while) Send every balding, middle-aged, white guy in America three free drink tickets and admission to the Girls, Girls, Girls Show Club on 38th Street or, better yet, Amateur Oil Wrestling Night at the Snafu Lounge ... Now That's Stimulus, my friends. (@mjezierski would probably give up Saturday night at the laund-ri-matic for that one, Mr. Obama.)

81% of the American people are just 81% of the American people. Piss on 'em.

Great Stimulus idea number 27: See Great Stimulus Idea number 26, only for next week too.

See, it's true. I know as much as any Senator about stimulus. So, I am hereby announcing my candidacy for the Senate. A free pass to PT's for all! (Hey, it's better than a Chicken potpie or a good 5-cent cigar - and those guys were Presidents!)

You see my peeps, I am just looking out for your stimulation. Nothing else matters to me.

I'm for manual stimulation, simulated stimulation, and stimulation of the nation. I want to palpitate to stimulate, urinate to stimulate, and populate the show clubs of America with stimulating undulating. I want to be the Senator who's doing the administration of stimulation across the nation! So vote for me - it'll be stimulating! Liberating! and, you will not be fornicating! (Well, you might be, but I'm for "don't ask-don't tell stimulation") There is no down side, for cryin' out loud. I'll solve the whole gasoline problem by giving everybody a three day work week so you can get all the stimulus you need from other non-fossil fuel energy consuming activities. We'll have more time to grow things in our backyard gardens.

Since people will have less money, they will buy fewer things - less stuff = lower demand, but with fewer folks actually working, it wont make any difference. Yet, we'll all be so stimulated!

I am a friggin' genius.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. America and ... thank you, Mr. Knucklehead guy from Pennsylvania.

PS: Any chance we can get your two gal-pals from Maine to Amateur Night this weekend? Doesn't look like you'll be doing anything constructive over the weekend.

When will Republicans start actually acting like Republicans?

Earlier this week our POTUS proffered a humongeousnessly huge Budget proposal for FY'09 which was preceeded by and insanely stupid "Stimulus Package" that will essentially give people who pay little or no taxes around 300 bucks a piece (+ another 300 for each rugrat, thankfully only up to four per household) so they can go buy that flat screen HDTV they missed at Christmas. (PS: Get it on sale at Best Buy and you'll have enough to get a case of $3 Buck Chuck at Trader Joe's too.)

Excuse me? Was I asleep when the GOP lost the message of 2006. I mean, I get the whole "American's have a short memory thing", really. But c'mon. What ever happened to Fiscal Responsibility, Personal Responsibility, Less Government (Intervention and Regulation, as well as size), a little Accountability maybe, and that famous Ronnie line about Government not being the solution to our problems, "Government is the Problem" ... Hello?

My friend and fellow conspirator, Kurt Luidhardt, made a real good point in a recent post on this page, quoting Ronnie:

"A political party cannot be all things to all people. It cannot be compromised to political expediency ..." which means, "If you don't stand for something ..." you'll end up looking just like the Democrats without all the Code Pink baggage. Not a real attractive position to be in.

Here's a thought. How about we just don't take the people's money from them in the first place. It saves us the cost and irratation of having to give it back to them later.

I usually don't wax so seriously on this stuff. After all, this blog is about having fun with politics. But for cryin' out loud, enough is enough. It gets harder and harder to flack for the GOP (even as a true believer) when you can just as easily flack for the other guys and have better campaign sex (not that I have any direct knowledge or experience in that regard, it's just what I've heard).

In the end, it's really all about the idea of thinking about the next generation and not the next election, which is what we used to do. It is about the GOP growing some stones and deciding that we gotta stand for something or we're most certainly going to fall for anything ... like Stimulus Packages that won't stimulate anything.

Does the thought of being in the Minority for another forty years do anything for ya?