Considering the Source, More Crass Thursday Humor ...

From our "friends" at the Completelyworthless News Network (CNN) ...

April 9, 2008
Huckabee signs with talent agency
Posted: 07:12 PM ET

(CNN) – Former Republican presidential contender Mike Huckabee has signed a contract with Creative Artists Agency in Los Angeles, daughter and senior advisor Sarah Huckabee tells CNN.
“Nothing has been decided,” the younger Huckabee says of future projects, “[it] probably won't be just one thing but maybe several different things. Just exploring options right now.”
Huckabee follows former rival Fred Thompson’s lead by inking a post-campaign deal with a talent agency. But unlike the former Tennessee senator, this is Huckabee’s first official foray into show business.

While running, his appearances on late-night shows like 'Saturday Night Live' and 'The Colbert Report' garnered praise and Huckabee seemed armed with a new expression for every television appearance. As it became apparent he wouldn’t win the Republican nomination, reporters began asking Huckabee about a possible future in television.

In a letter to supporters Wednesday, Huckabee announced that on Thursday he will host what is being billed as “a landmark teleconference call” that will lay out his plans for the future and discuss the state of the conservative movement.

From: CNN Political Producer Alexander Marquardt Filed under: Mike Huckabee

Another answer to the immortal question: "How low do you have to stoop in this country to become President?" ... or in this case, Vice President, or maybe, a cabinet secretary ... or talk show host.

UPDATED, Yet Again: FNC Calls VT for Obama, McCain! Continuing Updates All Night! Check Back Often!

Fellow flacks,

Here, for the historical record, is the constantly updated group live blog for election night. Enjoy.

------------- 7 PM

You heard it here first, unless you were listening to FNC ... We're cutting more friut for the Blender.

Update 2: McCain in Vermont ...

Update 3: Martha looks great tonight, don't you think?

Gonzo Update: Dude, we need more Oranges! Who got the Oranges?

Contrarian Update: DeRosa is back with the Cubs and "feeling great" according to Cubs.com

Update 4: FNC: Exit polls show tight races in TX, OH & RI ... is is possible that Gonzo is right?

FTNC Update: I'll bet the Luidhardt's are wishing they were there rather than here at IDPI conference... I know I am. What a yawner downtown. Plus, they can't spell b-l-e-n-d-e-r in Washington.

Update 5: FNC ready to call Ohio in 3 minutes, based on exit polls ...

Contrarian Update: MSNBC, you snooze, you lose.

Update 6: FNC calls OH for McCain... well, duh.

Contrarian Update: Conservatives still hanging in there for Huck in OH ... very interesting, don't you think? But, Huck takes Evangelicals by just 5%!

Gonzo Update: Oranges? Anyone?

FTNC Update: Shepard Smith, the ultimate Frat Boy? Inquiring Mind wants to know.

Interesting aside ... NOT AN UPDATE: Karl Rove, "Can we call this the 'Strategery Room'?" on FNC ... (luv ya, Karl!)

Update 7: CNN finally calls OH for McCain ... is there any reason to even listen to them anymore?

Gonzo Update: CNN. Are you kidding me, are they still on cable?

Contrarian Update: What does it mean that the evangelicals are actually voting for McCain? Could McCain be winning them over? Can the GOP begin to get behind the McCain effort? Interesting.

Also, is it any wonder that there is already a court challenge in Cleveland and Columbus from the Obamamaniacs ... what does that mean for Gonzo's prediction? Polls to remain open in Sandusky until 9 p.m. I love this game!

FTNC Update: Will the MSM be a victim of it's own sycophancy? Will Hillary get the sympathy vote because of soft treatment by Broadcast Media of Obama?

ChrisFaulkner Update: this notion of GOP voters crossing over and voting for Hillary is a bad idea. Giggles aside, we have primaries for a reason.

Update 8: OH Judge orders 15 polling sites in Cleveland to remain open until 9 pm. Let the games begin!

Update 9: Cuyahoga County must be the center of the political universe right now.

Update 10: McCain to be at WH and RNC on 3/5. Is the "fat lady" tuning up? Ummm, Yes.

Gonzo Update: Hillary is going to win. It's Kizmet, or Karma, or something like that.

FTNC Update: Anybody heard anything about RI? Polls close in 27 minutes.

Gonzo Update: Strategerizing with Contrarian and WPBC on how to fix the ice maker.

ChrisFaulkner Update: keeping the polls open for another hour after 12 hours of voting, 2 weeks of early voting and 3 weeks of absentee voting is just plain stupid.

Gonzo Update: This is fun to watch ... Five minutes to TX closing ... Courts in Chaos in OH ... This is better than an election in Marion County.

Update 11: Rhode Island and Texas to McCain, He's over the top, and wins GOPer nod. How anti-climatic can it get?

Gonzo Update: Who cares about McCain. Molly is looking just stunning in that red leather jacket. I'm in desperate need of a refill.

FTNC Update: Gonzo, it's true. You are a freak of nature.

Update 12: FNC reports Huckster will concede tonight. Why not? When you're down 21 runs in the bottom of the ninth, you don't bring in the designated hitter.

Update 13: Huckster uses the baseball metaphor, and we didn't even get through to his campaign before he went on stage!

Contrarian Update: Should have used a Cubs metaphor. It wold have been more apropos.

Gonzo Update: Hillary wins RI according to Politico.com ... Can I just say ... Told you so!

KrisLuidhardt Update: Huckabee giving a remarkable speech. There is definitely a place for this charismatic communicator.

ChrisFaulkner Update: Very Classy Speech.

Update 14: McCain: Lame speech, but he's our Lame Speecher.

Update 15: Who appointed the Judge in Cuyahoga County? Bush 43, Clinton, Bush 41 or Reagan? What's the implication there?

Gonzo Update: We are out of limes. Who's making the Marsh run?

FTNC Update: MI & FL are looming larger and larger on the horizon. What will those crazy Dems do?

Gonzo Update: Hil up 57-41% over Obamamama ... I feel vindication in the air ... can you smell it?

Contrarian says: Gonzo, it's the buffalo wings you smell. Vindication is intangible. It has no odor, form, or presence. Relax.

Update 16: The FNC crew is getting punchy. They're having a real hard time trying to keep this interesting while we wait until the wee hours to get this thing over with.

Gonzo says: We need to get them a blender.

Gonzo Update: 10:56 PM, FNC says Hil wins OH. That's two. I'm feeling randy at 58% ... yeah, baby.

----------- 11 PM

Contrarian says: Oh god. He's going to be insufferable for the rest of the night.

FTNC says: Die, you gravy sucking pig.

ChrisFaulkner Update: So if she wins TX and OH did HRC pull a "McCain"?

Contrarian Update: Has anybody else noticed that the CNN alerts are coming about 10 minutes later than everybody else?

Gonzo Update: Does it scare you all that there are like a thousand AFSCME signs at the Hil-sters victory rally in Ohio? I'm thinkin' we are goin' all the way to the convention ... is this great or what? FTNC was right, MI and FL are going to change this whole thing, especially if the Hil-ster does a City of Brotherly love Smack-down ... PA's in play.

FTNC says: You're still a gravy sucking pig.

Contrarian says: Wake me when it's over.

Gonzo Update: May I point out the following post:
http://whenthegoinggetsweirdthetoughturnpro.blogspot.com/2008/03/obama-mania-may-have-stumbled-in-tx-oh.html
Need I say more?

WPBC Update: Well, she looks forward to "continuing the dialogue" with the Obamamama. That means we are going to have to listen to Gonzo for another seven weeks. The Dems are not the only one's who will need a trainload of aspirin.

FTNC says: Don't remind me.

Contrarian Update: Is it me? Or, does Obama look really pissed off right now?

FTNC says: "Eloquent but Empty", could he have described himself any better?

Gonzo Update: The wings are gone. We are out of limes, and I can't take any more of this speech. I haven't heard this many one liners since Henny Youngman.

Contrarian Update: Rove is brilliant, even at midnight.

Update 17: Absolutely nothing new to actually update. But we felt the need to do an update just to stay awake.

Update 18: Cinton up 50-48% in TX ... Still to close to call. Painful.

Update 19: FNC thinks they can call TX shortly.

FTNC Update: Check out http://www.hillaryclinton.com/ ... talk about trying to take advantage of an opportunity ... it's one giant "donate your money to me" form. Perhaps "give me your tired twenties, your huddled tens, and your lonely ones, yearning to be collected up by my fundraisers" might be a good inscription for the statute of Hillary? This gives new meaning to the phrase: "Strike while the iron's hot." This is one really well coordinated operation. This thing went up within minutes of the OH call.

Update 20: FNC projects that Clinton wins Texas, and we will not be able to live with Gonzo for the next seven weeks.

Gonzo Update: I shall be magnanimous in victory and not bend to the temptation to say, "I told you so."

FTNC Update: Good night, and good luck.

Contrarian says: Congratulations Gonzo. Even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut.

What's a nice Republican girl to do?

It's no secret, I love Ron Paul. He is extremely intelligent, aware of the issues, and has strait forward solutions to some of our nations biggest problems. I also feel that he truly embodies the most basic Republican principles, those of low taxes and small government.

That being said, he hasn't a chance of being our next president. His delegate counts are in the double digits while all the other candidates are in triple digits, the national news stations don't give him any air time, let alone invite him to debates, and many think he's crazy. He's way too extreme to be elected, but I contend he has the best message.

So after the primary what am I supposed to do? I'm really not that fond of McCain and it looks like he's going to be our nominee. I sorta like Huckabee, but he's so far behind I don't really think he's going to come through. There's no way in hell I'm voting for Hilary. That leaves Obama on the Democrat side, who really doesn't have any experience but seems like able enough.

I'm presented with quite the predicament. The whole reason I have interest, and started to get involved in politics is because I am a firm believer in the Constitution and that our elected officials are in Washington to represent our best interests, yet I'm considering not voting. I'm really at a loss when it comes to the general election. I want to send someone to Washington that will lead our great nation in the right direction, but I'm not seeing anyone in this race whom I trust with that responsibility. I think I'm turning into one of those politically apathetic Americans. Quite a shame since I'm barely old enough to vote. All the more reason to become an anarchist I guess.

Ralph Nader and the Brighter Side of Politics

I love Ralph Nader. Really, I do. I love America too.

Only in America can Ralph Nader still get a gig with Russert. Uncanny, really.

The guy has not had an original idea since 1963 and yet he manages to get on MTP with Russert Sunday last and announce that he's going to, once again, wait for it ... wait ... "Run for President of the United States! (Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!) But wait, there's more!

Naderites around the world unite! The old guy actually says he's running on clean water, safe food, and to break the corporate stranglehold on Washington. So, what else is new?

I can't help but quote Ralphie's own website, "It's all about the mood, Dude!" Who the hell is going to vote for that? I mean, does anybody seriously think that the water is not potable? Aside from a couple of anomolies in the food distribution system (that we're recalled at tremendous expense to the companies involved) we have the best, most plentiful, and largest selection of foodstuffs on the planet! Not to mention the whole Free Range and Whole Foods industry ... Granola munchers and Health Food devotees have everything from Trader Joe's to organic garden/farm markets to choose from.

As for the corporate stranglehold on Washington, what do you freakin' want? Code Pinkies running amok on K street? The friggin' "big business" crowd is fighting for self preservation. And let me just ask you, "When was the last time you got a job from a tree-hugging leftie protester, huh? Even Nader makes his scratch from extorting donations from the disillussioned and getting people to buy his books (which is the closest thing to legit entrepreneurism that he's ever done. Except for the early years as a practicing attorney back in Hartford).

But still, you just have to love this guy and admire his willingness to tic-off the Dems and be the butt of every cocktail party joke on the planet. The Dems still blame him for Gore's defeat in 2000 - notwithstanding the absolute loathing of the Left for Bush - even as they complain that Bush "stole the election".

So we are left with one candidate who is "ready to lead on day one" yet, knowing what we know, we are left wondering where; another candidate who is all about "change", which could mean anything from clean underwear to nuclear policy; and Ralph. Things are looking pretty good for McCain, huh?

Why we insist on picking the leader of the free world this way is the stuff of doctoral theses. That and the fact that it keeps a whole bunch of my fellow hacks and flacks employed ... which, come to think of it, isn't really such a bad thing. Back on the bus, y'all. It's Tuesday, must be Ohio.

So, join me in the quadrennial pursuit of sitting back, cranking up the blender, and watching these folks in the ceremonial cannibalism that is the POTUS election cycle. We may only have another week to enjoy it. Things are so dull with the GOPers that I almost forgot "My-Man-Mike" was still in the race. The Huckster has been thrown onto the ash heap of SNL, and a sad fate that was. I'm reminded of HST's lament: "How low do you have to stoop in this country to become president?"
Apparently, you have to stoop low enough to do NBC late night comedy shows and soil yourself in front of that small portion of Amrica that actually tunes in ... and the continuing debasement of the news cycle for the next 36 hours.

The Dems will likely have their contender by early morning hours of March 5. So it's up to you, Ralphie. We don't care about all those quirky little NFPs and all those mindnumbingly boring tomes of potifications. We just want you to get in there and make things interesting so we all have something to write about. You're a freak of nature, Ralphie, but we luv ya! Hang in there, baby.

Chrisfaulkner on twitter: Kansas sticks

Chrisfaulkner on twitter:
Kansas sticks it's finger in McCain's eye giving 33 of 36 delegates to the Huckster.

McCain-Romney/Clinton-Obama and California ... proportional pledged delegates and reality of perception.

Even if you win you potentially lose. One or the other GOP POTUS hopefuls will "win" Cali's big dance tomorrow, but the number of Congressional Districts that have very small numbers of GOP voters could be potential gold for the down tier (read: Huck and the Paulster) candidates. Plus with 21 other states and territories all playing our game tomorrow, the numbers could end up anywhere. (Remember, New Hampshire?)

Not that we here on this blog care who wins, but the reality is that nobody's going to win big enough tomorrow that everybody won't have something positive to spin on Wednesday morning. California may be the big prize, but there's Georgia and the Midwest, the "wild" west and let's not forget some other notable states that will be following along a bit later... like Pennsylvania. Needless to say, it will be entertaining to watch FNC's stable of former supermodels and Miss Americas (oh, and the Brown-haired Guy that ain't Steve) on Wednesday. They will have a lot to keep up with as the camps and candidates flack their way through the infomercials that are cable news morning shows (after they finish shilling their own books). You can bet that we'll have three or four TVs on to monitor the madness and look for the really good stuff to share with you.

Note to the night-owls:
We may be blogging live from Faulkner Strategies' little shin-dig at the Claddaugh on South Meridian Street in downtown Indianapolis tomorrow night. Look for reports at least until our intrepid reporters and insider flacks out there have had a couple of drinks. After that, all bets are off.